We Could Have Had It All
by Pawprinter
Summary: Susan was the Queen of Narnia and Caspian was the King of Narnia. They could have had it all, but they were torn apart. Susan was forced back to England, never able to go to Narnia again, and Caspian grew old in Narnia. Years passed and Susan grew not to care. When Eustace returns from his trip to the magical land, how will Susan react? NOT AU. NOT incest. Title based of Adele song


**Hey! It's Pawprinter! How are all of you? I'm good, just if you were wondering. Ha, ha, ha.**

**Okay so this story is just a one shot! I was reading a Narnia interview, just to get in the Narnia mood for writing my other story. Then I didn't feel like writing, so I went to do a banner. I thought of a broken heart Caspian / Susan banner. But then I wanted to write a broken heart Caspian / Susan story! Anyway I wrote this all today, just for fun! **

**Okay, so this story takes place when Jill and Eustace come home from their trip to Narnia, or just after **_**The Silver Chair**_**. You might need to read that book, but you only need to know some things for this story. If you haven't read the book, then you will learn some stuff in this story! If you want to keep reading, and you want to know what happens in the book then keep reading!**

**In this story Jill and Eustace are back from Narnia... Its summer, okay? Now Caspian has grown old, and died. But that's not all! Caspian has married the daughter of a star! And also had a kid. Now in the story I read, Caspian said he loved Susan to Lucy in VDT, and three months later he marries the daughter of the star. Is that clear? Good!**

**I know some people like the RD / Caspian paring, but I don't like that paring. I love the paring of Susan / Caspian! I find the whole story of Caspian and Susan heartbreaking! I am always almost crying when I think of the end result, and how Susna should feel. That's why I made this story... Just to let it out! Yay! Ha, ha, ha!**

**The approximate ages for this story is… Eustace - 11, Lucy - 12, Edmund - 14, Susan - 16, Peter - 18.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Nope. I don't own Narnia, Caspian, Susan, Peter, Lucy, Edmund, Eustace, or really anything else! I only own the plot, and my words. Well I made up the plot and I wrote my words, so I don't know if that is really owning...**

**Warning: Swearing, and some other talk… That's why it's T.**

**Sorry for all of the really bad spelling and grammar! I couldn't focus on editing today, and I wanted to post this now. I might come back to this story one day to edit it, but for now, it's not edited. I also have long blocks of text, so you might want to have some kind of way to read that because it might be hard to read.**

**This story has the title of a part of the song "Rolling in the deep." by Adele. It's not really conected to the meaning of the song, but I loved that line, and that line fit the story! I couldn't stop myself. If you haven't heard that song, you should listen to it... It's really good! **

**I hope you enjoy this story! **

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><p><strong>We Could Have Had It All<strong>

_Nine Thirty PM…_

Lucy, Edmund, Peter, and Eustace were all sitting around the Pevensie kitchen table in the Pevensie home. The Pevensie children barley ever spent time at this house all together, but something was wrong.

The Pevensie's parents told them something was wrong with Susan. The parents said that Eustace had come over to the house in a rush.

Eustace said he was looking from Susan, Lucy, Edmund, or Peter to tell them about his latest trip to Narnia . Lucy was shopping with Edmund, and Peter was out somewhere… Eustace decided to tell Susan. Eustace found her in her room, drawing. He quickly told her about his trip to Narnia… Half way through the story Susan started to freak out. That was the problem with Susan.

Now Lucy, Edmund, Peter, and Eustace were all sitting around the kitchen table worried. Susan never cried anymore, she didn't care about Narnia anymore, and she didn't go all diva on anyone anymore. So everyone was confused about what set Susan off. The Pevensie's parents were now gone to finish up the shopping Lucy and Edmund didn't get done.

"So what did you tell Susan?" Edmund asked. Eustace bit his lip and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well I told her about the trip to Narnia me and Jill went on." Eustace said. Edmund and Peter sighed annoyed.

"Specifically… Word by word." Lucy said. The boys nodded their heads in agreement. Eustace groaned annoyed.

"That will take like… one hour." Eustace mumbled. Lucy, Edmund, and Peter all looked at each other with the same kind of looks on their faces.

"Fine. Tell us the part when Susan started freaking out." Edmund mumbled. Everyone turned back to Eustace. Eustace nodded his head.

"Okay… Well I told. Hummm, let's see. Well I think I told her. Wait no…" Eustace mumbled. Edmund sighed and hit his head to the table.

"Get on with it." Edmund mumbled. Peter nodded his head.

"Fine. Well I… Actually she looked like she was almost crying all through out the story I told her." Eustace said. Peter and Edmund groaned.

"What part did she flip?" Peter asked.

"She freaked out when I told her about… Oh shi-" Eustace started to say, but he got cut off. Lucy threw a biscuit at him.

"Language." Lucy mumbled. Edmund waved his hand at his sister.

"What?" Peter asked.

"Yeah. What 'Oh shit'?" Edmund asked. Lucy gasped and smacked Edmund.

"That's not nice to say." Lucy screeched. Edmund laughed, and Lucy smacked him once more.

"Sorry… I guess." Edmund mumbled.

"Shut up!" Peter mumbled. Everyone went silent. "Now, Eustace, what?" Peter asked. Eustace had gone paler then usual.

"Tell us, Eustace!" Lucy pleaded. Eustace took a deep breath of fresh air.

"Susan had a thing with Caspian, right?" Eustace asked.

"Yeah… why?" Lucy asked.

"Oh shit." Peter mumbled. "You didn't."

"I think I did." Eustace said. He rubbed his neck from worry.

"What? What did he do, Peter?" Lucy asked.

"I'm so sorry, Peter. I totally forget." Eustace said in a rush. Peter shook his head.

"Tell me! Please?" Lucy pleaded.

"What did- oh shi-" Edmund started to say, but Lucy his the back of his head.

"Tell me please! What is going on?" Lucy asked. Peter shook his head no.

"Our cousin told Susan about the love of her life!" Peter yelled. Eustace opened his mouth to protest, but he closed it quickly.

"Your cousin has a name." Eustace mumbled. Peter hit Eustace on the arm.

"What is so bad about that? Susan moved on." Lucy said. Peter shook his head.

"I don't know, but it set Susan off." Peter said. Eustace bit the bottom of his lip.

"Well…" Eustace started to say, but he trailed off.

"Well what?" Edmund asked.

"Well I told her how he married that star chick three months after we left, and I told her that he had a kid with her, and how he is old, and he died…" Eustace whispered.

"You what!" Edmund yelled. Both him and Peter stood up from the table if fury.

"I'm so sorry! I thought she was over his, and I thought she didn't care about Narnia." Eustace said. Peter shook his head.

"Nobody follow me. You do and you die." Peter whispered.

"Wha-" Edmund started to say, but Peter held his hand up to tall him to stop.

"I love all of you, well most of you," Peter said. He shot a glare at Eustace before continuing. "but I need to talk to Susan alone. None of you come up after me." Peter said. Everyone nodded unsure. Peter nodded in acknowledgment before he turned and started walking towards the stair case.

"All hail High King Peter." Edmund muttered sarcastically. Lucy and Eustace rolled their eyes.

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><p>Peter was now in front of Susan closed door. He didn't really know what to say to Susan. He knew she was upset, but he didn't know what to say. He was so used to her ignoring him, Lucy, Edmund, and any talk about Narnia. He was the High King of Narnia… What was she going to say to him? What was he going to say to her?<p>

Peter shook his head. He was sure that it wasn't going to work. She was probably just trying to humour Eustace and everyone else. She probably didn't care about Caspian, or Narnia.

Peter was going to turn around and walk back to his family, but he stopped. She was crying… Susan… Susan was crying. No, scratch that. She was freaking out. Peter felt his heart go heavy. He knew the young Susan, the Queen Susan, the sweet Susan, and the new Susan… This Susan was more like the Queen Susan, or the young Susan, or even the sweet Susan, but this was defiantly not the new Susan.

Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was used to how Susan acted now, and he knew if he disturbed her it would be like suicide. But Peter knew that this was not the Susan that he knew now, this was the Queen Susan. Peter turned back to the door and opened his eyes. He would have to talk to her, he would hope for the best.

Peter knocked lightly on his sister's door.

"Su, can I come in?" Peter asked in a whisper. A loud sob came from inside of her room. Peter took that as a yes.

He opened the door to Susan's room slowly. When the door was fully open he could see Susan curled up on her bed in the corner. Susan had her eyes closed, but tears still fell. All of her make up was smudged all around her face. Peter walked inside her room, and closed the door. He turned the lock on her door before he turned back to Susan.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked in a whisper. Susan opened her eyes to look at Peter. She let out a sob and closed her eyes tightly. "What did I do?" Peter asked.

Susan coughed a few times before she continued to sob. Peter closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. He knew he was doing all of this wrong. He didn't even know why he would even try. Peter turned around to face the door, and he started walking. He unlocked the lock, and turned the handle to the door.

"Peter?" Susan chocked. Peter turned his head to face Susan. "Where are you going?" She asked. Peter let his hand drop from the door handle.

"I- Um…. Well I suck at this emotional stuff, so I was going to get Edmund or Lucy to come up here and talk to you." Peter said with a small smile. Susan let a few tears fall from her eyes before she wiped them away.

"I don't want to talk to them right now." Susan whispered. Peter nodded his head.

"I'll just go now." Peter whispered.

"What?" Susan asked. Peter looked at her in confusion.

"You don't want to talk to anyone…" Peter said in a whisper. Susan shook her head.

"I said I don't want to talk to Lucy or Edmund… I want to talk to my big brother." Susan said in a whisper. Peter smiled.

"Okay then." Peter whispered.

He turned the lock on the door again. Susan smiled slightly, but tears were still falling out of her eyes. Peter walked over to Susan's bed and sat down on the edge.

"I miss everything we all had." Susan whispered. Peter looked down at his sister confused. "I miss our relationships we had four years ago. I miss how we were all carefree. I miss everything."

"What do you mean?" Peter asked. Susan closed her eyes.

"I miss the possibility of going to Narnia, I miss being a kid." Susan whispered. Peter nodded his head in agreement. That was he missed the most too.

"I know." Peter whispered. Susan shook her head no.

"You know part of it. You left friends, brothers. But I left the love of my life in Narnia." Susan whispered. "I left my old self in Narnia, I left my childhood behind, I left my hope, and the reason for living in Narnia."

"I know you liked Caspian, but there are other people. Is that why you're going crazy at the moment?" Peter asked. Susan picked her head off of the bed to look at her brother.

"I miss the old us too. We used to be so carefree and loving. We used to be so natural. Now you look like you are forcing yourself to sit and not bolt for the door." Susan whispered. Peter felt his heart go down to the pit of his stomach. Susan was trying, and he was messing it all up.

"I still love you the same as I did six, or five, or four, or three, or two years ago." Peter whispered. "I want to be here with you, I want to talk with you, but I can't talk emotional stuff. I'm no good at that." Peter whispered. Susan crawled closer to Peter and hugged him. Peter pulled Susan onto his lap, and held her in a cradle.

"You're great at it." Susan whispered. Peter smiled and nodded.

"So, if you think I'm so great at it, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" Peter offered. Susan closed her eyes and took in a deep breath of air.

"Nobody understands me and my pain. I know that all of you have been taken away from Narnia, and all of you suffered in your own way, but I think I suffer more then all of you." Susan whispered. Peter nodded his head in agreement.

"We have all been stripped of a part of our lives. Brothers, friends, loves, and our kingdom. But yours is the worst. I know it hurts, we all hurt, but you need to move on with your life." Peter whispered. Susan's face twisted up in pain.

"I have to move on… Just like Caspian, huh." Susan whispered. Peter kissed the top of Susan's head. Tears started rolling more quickly down Susan's face. "I loved him, Pete. I loved him so much, I think I still love him. I know you're going to say that we only knew each other for a few months, but it felt like we knew each other forever. We could have had it all." Susan whispered again. "It felt like something ripped from inside of me when I walked out of Narnia. It hurt so bad when I looked up at him, and I knew that this would be the last time seeing him. It felt like I left part of me with him, it felt like my heart was ripped from my body then put back in a different angle."

"It hurt that bad, huh?" Peter asked in a whisper.

"It hurt like hell. It physically hurt me in every way. I'm still in pain from that day." Susan whispered. "And then today a wound has been reopened. Today I found out everything that I had nightmares of."

"What was that?" Peter asked.

"Lucy and Edmund told me how Caspian still loved me, they said that he was still in love with me. That gave me hope… But then today Eustace told me about… He got married to the daughter of a star, and they had a kid. A kid!" Susan whispered. Tears started falling franticly from her eyes.

"Caspian and I, we could have had a perfect relationship, we could have had everything. We could have been married, we could have had kids. Do you know how many times I lay in bed and think about our kids?" Susan asked. Peter shook his head. "Well the way I imagined it, is that we had five kids. We had Caspian, our oldest boy… He had hair and a nose like his father, and my eyes and lips. Then there was Annette, our eldest girl… She had my hair and lips, and her fathers nose and eyes. And we had twins, Jonathan and Robert… Jon looked like his older brother, the same features, and Rob had the same features as Annette. And then we had a little girl named Kathleen… She had light brown hair, and also blue eyes, Caspian's lips and his nose… I could picture all of our children perfectly, but now… Now I know all of that is just a stupid dream." Susan buried her face into Peter's chest and started sobbing.

"All of this time you were thinking of Narnia? If you were thinking of Narnia then why would you go all…" Peter started to say, but he trailed off.

"I couldn't think of Narnia without feeling stabs of pain, I had to get a new life if I wanted to try and be pain free. I always try not to think about Narnia, but I always end up thinking of it. I tried so many different things to stop thinking of Narnia, but I always got pain from everything I look at." Susan whispered. "I love Narnia, and I wont forget it ever, but I lost hope and faith for awhile… Now I don't know if I will ever have hope or faith again."

"Forget about Caspian, okay? Forget about him, and live your life here. Fall in love here, not in Narnia. Because you know that in Narnia things wont last, we will be taken away from them." Peter whispered. Susan sobbed.

"It's so unfair!" Susan whispered. She pulled herself closer to Peter.

"Thing are unfair sometimes, but we have to live through them. It's life." Peter whispered.

Susan took a deep breath and let out a long sob. Both Peter and Susan didn't say anything for awhile, they just sat there in each others arms. Susan was still sobbing, but it was silent sobbing. Her back was shaking from the sound she was holding in.

Peter couldn't take it. A feeling of protection came over him. Peter didn't want to see any of his younger sisters like this, including Susan. Peter barley had control of his own hands in that moment. He lifted his hand and put it under Susan's chin. He lifted her head lightly, so he could look at her. Peter felt his hear go heavy when he saw Susan's tear stained, red face and her puffy eyes. Tears were falling slowly down the side of Susan's beautiful face. Peter hated himself when he saw her like this… He thought she was just turning into a stuck up girl that was all about lipstick, but really that was all an act. It was all an act so she would try to forget about the things she loves. Peter hated himself because he could have helped her, and not let her suffer all alone…

He wiped a tear away with his thumb, and pulled a messy curl out of Susan's red face. Susan smiled slightly up at Peter. She had adoration for her big brother, he was finally acting like the old Peter, the thirteen year old Peter. Susan locked eyes with him with her tear filled, red eyes. Susan let a soft sob fall from her lips, and threw herself into Peter's arms. She buried her head into his chest, clenching her fists in his shirt powerfully and cried uncontrollably.

He understood part of it, he knew how she felt at least a small bit, Peter knew what it was like to see the younger King and Queen go back to Narnia, but not the High King and Queen. Peter didn't leave a love behind, but he left his kingdom behind, and he left his friends that were as close to him as brothers. Peter could understand some of Susan's pain, and that lifted so many things and problems off of Susan's back.

No words were shared between the two, but a message seemed to ring in both of their ears. They loved each other… They were family that shared a special bond, no other person would get. They both were alone and they had many problems over their shoulders, but when they joined a weight was taken off of their backs.

Peter pulled Susan closer to himself, and rested his cheek on the top of her head. Peter rubbed Susan's back lovingly and kissed her head over and over. He could feel Susan's tears flow onto his new shirt, but he didn't care… He could always wear other shirts, but he couldn't get another Susan or another good moment like this. Even thought Susan was really broken, this was one of those moments nobody or nothing could replace… Susan hadn't spoken to Peter in days, so Peter would rather have that moment then a new shirt.

Peter didn't know how long him and Susan had talked, but he knew it was past time to go to bed. Peter shifted himself so he was laying on the edge of the bed, and Susan laying in the middle of her bed. Peter wrapped his arm around Susan, so she could be comfortable lying beside Peter. He pulled the covers up and made sure they covered Susan and himself before he closed his eyes.

Peter stayed up until he heard Susan's breathing slow, until she fell asleep. Peter kissed the top of Susan's head once again before he closed his eyes.

"Just forgive and forget." Peter whispered to himself with a half smile. "I love you, Su."

After that Peter fell into a soundless sleep.

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><p>"You have to go home now, Eustace." Edmund mumbled.<p>

Lucy, Edmund, and Eustace were all still sitting around the table in the kitchen. Lucy had made homemade hot chocolate for the guys, but nobody had touched them. Everyone was worried about Susan and Peter. Peter hadn't come down from Susan's room, and Susan hadn't made an escape, so everyone was worried. Nobody dared go check on Susan or Peter, seeing Peter told them not to follow him.

"I want to see how Susan is doing. I caused this mess." Eustace mumbled.

"You're right, you caused this mess." Edmund said with a smile. Lucy hit Edmund lightly on the arm.

As you can tell everyone was more then half asleep. It was past midnight, but nobody wanted to go to sleep until Peter came down to tell them about what happened. So Lucy was five minutes from falling asleep at the table, Eustace was about to go curl up in a laundry basket, and Edmund was about to dunk his head in a freezing bucket of water to keep himself awake.

"Why isn't Peter here?" Eustace asked with a small bit of annoyance in his voice.

"Because he is either dealing with Susan, or nursing his wounds." Edmund said with a chuckle. Lucy mumbled something that wasn't smart at all, but Eustace guessed it had something to do with Edmund's comment.

"Let's just go and check on Pete." Lucy mumbled. Edmund nodded his head, but still looked to Eustace to confirm.

"Sure, but if Peter gets mad… I'll just say it was you, Edmund." Eustace mumbled. Edmund rolled his eyes.

"What will King Peter do now?" Edmund said sarcastically. Eustace cracked a smile.

"Edmund, shut your face, and Eustace, wipe that smile off of your face." Lucy mumbled. Her head slipped the slightest bit off of her hand, but she shook her head and put her head back on her hand.

"How does she know?" Eustace asked in a whisper that only Edmund could hear. Edmund smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Let's get going. Lucy is about to have her face land in her hot drink." Edmund said. Eustace nodded his head, and Lucy just mumbled something else.

"Can you walk, Lu?" Eustace asked. Lucy lifted her head off of her hand, and her eyes fluttered open.

"I think so, I'm not to tired." Lucy lied. Eustace and Edmund smiled.

"Sure, let's go." Edmund mumbled. Everyone stood up from the table and turned towards the stairs. Nobody took a step forward.

"Who wants to go first?" Eustace asked.

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><p>Edmund ended up going first, followed by Lucy, then Eustace. Lucy was barley walking, but she managed to climb all the way up the stairs. They were now in front of Susan closed door. They really didn't know what to say if they walked in and Susan was still freaking out. But they were all set on going to find out what happened to their beloved brother.<p>

Edmund looked behind him to see the smiling face of his family.

"Hurry up, Ed." Lucy mumbled. Edmund nodded his head.

He took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door. No answer came. Edmund looked behind him again. Lucy and Eustace nodded their heads in encouragement. Edmund turned back to the door, and he knocked again. No answer. He knocked again. Still no answer. Edmund sighed from frustration. He knocked again, but louder this time. STILL no answer. Edmund turned to look at Lucy and Eustace… They both looked as annoyed as Edmund felt. Edmund turned back to the door. He knocked again. Still no answer. Edmund had enough. He pushed the door open to his sisters room. Edmund felt his jaw drop at the sight in front of him.

"Go in! I can't see anything." Lucy hissed.

Edmund took one step into the room slowly. He made sure he didn't make no noise. Lucy walked into the room next. She gasped slightly at the sight. Next was Eustace. Eustace walked into the room, and when he saw Susan and Peter he started laughing. Both Lucy and Edmund hit Eustace on the arms.

Susan was curled into Peter's side, sound asleep with a smile on her face, and Peter was asleep with his arms wrapped around Susan, holding her in his arms. Lucy was the first to walk closer to the siblings. She walked up to the edge of Susan's bed.

"Lucy!" Edmund hissed. Lucy turned to face Edmund.

"What?" She asked. Edmund smacked his face with his hand.

"They are sleeping." Edmund said. Lucy shrugged her shoulders.

"So." She mumbled. Lucy poked Peter before anyone could stop her. Peter's eyes fluttered open.

"Lu?" Peter asked. Lucy nodded her head and smiled.

"Can I sleep here too?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah. Now I'm going to bed." Peter mumbled. Lucy smiled satisfied. Peter closed his eyes and fell asleep instantly. Lucy turned to look at the boys in the door way.

"Good night." Lucy said with a smile.

Edmund and Eustace nodded their head. Lucy turned back to the bed. She crawled in between Susan and the wall. Once her head hit the pillow, she was instantly asleep. Edmund turned to Eustace.

"Girls." Edmund mumbled. Eustace shrugged his shoulders. Nobody said anything for a few minutes. Eustace turned to look at Edmund.

"I'm going to sleep beside her." Eustace said with a laugh… Definitely in a joking tone. Edmund looked to Eustace with an eyebrow raised.

"Not if I get there first." Edmund also said with a laugh. Also in a joking tone.

As if there was a silent queue they both took off towards the bed…

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><p><strong>How did you all like it? I worked hard on it, so I hope you liked it.<strong>

**I tried so hard to make a good brother/sister/cousin relationship between all of them, but I think I failed… Sorry if it's crap! Anyway I had no idea how to end this story! I could not think of anything! But I thought the way I ended it would be pretty good… **

**I totally messed up. I wanted to make this story flow nice, but… I didn't do that very well…**

**Sorry for the bad grammar and spelling! Also I am sorry for the long blocks of text. I tried to put them in different parts, but I couldn't do that.**

**Tell me what you think! Please? You can do that in a review… Hint, hint, nudge, nudge.**

**Until next time,**

**Pawprinter xxxx**


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